Good morning! Happy Monday to you, dear readers! I wish to begin this glorious week by power ranking my favourite girl crushes. This “power ranking” is completely inspired by the great Mikey and Big Bob of the Kiss 96.1 Morning Freak Show of Pittsburgh. I listen to these gentlemen on weekdays via iHeartRadio for my daily dosage of yinzer. As they consistently power rank their favourite items such as favourite aquarium animals, favourite nacho toppings, favourite trail mix ingredients, favourite nuts, etcetera, I found it as completely appropriate to power rank my favourite girl crushes in the same fashion. My dear friend JRH calls this post my “lesbian blog.” Maybe it is. Maybe it is not! But it is truly significant because I absolutely harvest passionate crushes on all five ladies to be mentioned.
5. Julia Haart
Ms. Haart is the only of the five girl crushes to whom I am unattracted physically. What can I say? I prefer blondes. Yes, Ms. Haart’s body is GORGEOUS. She literally never exercises, and she eats generously yet she flaunts the tiniest body that I have ever seen in my life. Wrapped in glorious couture by Chanel and other designers, Ms. Haart abandoned her Orthodox Jewish life in Monsey New York at the age of 43 to seek freedom, earning a fabulous most glamorous career. She is now the CEO and part owner of Elite World Group. She is inspiring and motivating to a world of women, including to her daughters whilst being married to a sexy business mogul GEM who took Julia’s self-created last name of Haart. She is the subject of Netflix’s My Unorthodox Life which I recommend with flying colours. Julia is DIVINE.
4. Faye Dunaway
especially circa 1976. The angles of her body rank as the prettiest and loveliest in cinematic history! And her performance in the 1981 film adaptation of the hit job of Mommie Dearest is epic. I might be the only human on Earth who views Mommie Dearest for inspiration versus for what it was intended to be. Luckily I see more into the jealousy entitled brattism of Christina Crawford and shall forever put Joan Crawford on a pedestal. And I shall forever put Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford on a pedestal! She even looks great at 80.
3. Greta Garbo
especially circa 1941 when she starred in Two-Faced Woman with Melvyn Douglas as the fabulous ski instructor. Her athleticism truly shines in this final film of her career. Did you know that Ms. Garbo practised yoga, learning from Indra Devi who was a mutual student with Pattabhi Jois and Iyengar, learning from the great Sri Tirumalai Krishnamacharya?! Wow. I feel so very connected to Ms. Garbo because as my reader knows, Pattabhi Jois is the man who brought my beloved Ashtanga yoga to the western world.
2. Nicole Kidman
Oh that body! Skin! Hair! Posture! Fashion! Speech! The entire physical package is perfection. She shall assist me to transition to a very deeply personal announcement in my next blog post. Be prepared for something grand and heavy.
are you ready?
1. Lara Trump.
everything about Lara Trump is perfect. Her physical body from legs to abdominals to arms to face to lips to breasts. She is sculpted and refined. Her mind is sharp and rational. Her hair and makeup is always on point. She saves animals, especially beagles! And for the sexiest thing about Lara Trump or any girl that I have ever witnessed?
That is all for today!
The light in me recognises the light in you.